I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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