she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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