Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
