Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
