what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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