i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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