Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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