I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
