Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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