She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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