If that was your dad, he is hot
After last night, I could never be a politician.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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