I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
