Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
