I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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