Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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