Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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