I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
