You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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