We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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