If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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