Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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