dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
