We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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