I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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