its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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