Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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