She is in my trunk
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
