a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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