I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
