you would pick up someone in the library
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
