I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
