This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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