I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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