You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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