So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
