Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
