Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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