I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
