one two three fourrrrnication!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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