He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
