Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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