I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
