I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
