Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I will pee on everything he values.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
