I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
