I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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