Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(

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(602): View more from Arizona

So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea

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(954): View more from Florida

The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now

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(859): View more from Kentucky

in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Who wants vodka and apple sauce

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.

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(315): View more from New York

Don't Richard Nixon her vagina

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(905): View more from Ontario

How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?

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