I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
