my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
