Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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