we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
